Milestones

Emma has started sleeping all night in her crib!!  And all night means 11 almost 12 hours!  I actually wasn't sure she'd ever sleep that long or ever soothe herself to sleep!  All we have to do is set her in the crib after our little nighttime routine and she will put herself to sleep, without a binky!  The first night this happened, I have to admit I didn't quite know what to do with myself.  I was so used to her napping and sleeping on or with me.  I had three hours to myself to pick up my house, catch up on some reading and watch a couple episodes of my favorite tv shows.  It was glorious.  I do miss my cuddles with her though and having her sleeping on me.  My favorite thing about being a mom is watching Emma reach milestones.  The first time she sat up, or drank from a sippy cup, or rolled over, my heart would fill right up.  It is absolutely amazing to be able to stay at home with her and watch her grow and learn.  I know it goes fast and I am just trying to soak it all up and take as many pictures and videos as I can along the way.  Emma's 1/2 birthday is in 4 days and I can't believe it's been half a year, I really can't.  But I am having so much fun and I can't wait to see how things change between now and when she turns 1.  Being a parent is such a crazy, terrifying, rewarding and absolutely amazing experience.  Wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.  :)

Miss Emma is almost 6 months old!

So it has been a while since I've had time to post.  But...Emma is asleep so I thought I would take advantage of my free time!  Time has flown by, Miss Emma is 5.5 months old now and such a little joker and explorer!  Anytime we are eating or drinking, she reaches out wanting to touch and play with whatever is in our hands.  It's so crazy being a mom!  At first I thought I couldn't do it, but now it just feels like second nature!  I can read her cues and can respond quicker and I just feel so much more capable than I did!  Amazing what time can do, huh!  We just got back last week from Lake Powell which was Emma's first real trip and it was so fun! I'll post a few recent pictures.  She is the cutest baby ever and I feel so so blessed to be her mama!

6 weeks into motherhood

So my sister came in and told me I should write another blog post and I agreed.  I don't think this post will be as long as my last one; it will just be a few thoughts I've had in the last couple weeks.  

Emma will be 6 weeks old in a couple of days and I find myself thinking that there is no way 6 weeks have passed since I had her!  Time seriously goes way too fast when you have a baby.  But I guess that is because you are just so busy taking care of them!  Anyways, I was thinking back to the first couple of weeks post partum and how hard it was for me.  For about 2 weeks, I was dealing with some serious baby blues.  Not to the point of depression, but close.  No one told me that some women take time to bond with their baby after they are born, so I felt guilty that I didn't feel an overwhelming amount of love for this sweet, little stranger right away.  And to be honest I didn't think my hormones were going to be quite as crazy as they were.  I seriously cried like every day for the first week we were home.  It was really hard on me.  With Easter coming up on Sunday, I've been thinking about how much help I needed and still need being a new mother.  I can't even begin to tell you how much help came from prayers and the comforting of the Holy Ghost.  I was afraid of being alone and taking care of a newborn with no help, even though I had help.  6 weeks in and I am a totally different person then I was when I was struggling those first two weeks.  I love being a mom and I have gained so much confidence!  I keep telling myself I'm never alone, the Savior knows how I'm feeling and what I'm going through.  It helps me through whenever Emma is having a hard day or when I miss Aaron.  I love Easter and the fact that it' s a holiday dedicated to the Resurrection of the Savior.  I know that our Heavenly Father loves us enough to never leave us and that if we are worthy we'll never be truly alone.  What sweet news that is, it was such a comfort to me in this life changing event.  I can't wait to teach Emma all about the Savior and all he does for us and I'm sure He plans to have her teach me as well.  :) 

Emma

So I am definitely new to this whole blogging scene, but I thought it would be a great way to keep in touch with family and friends who are wanting to know how things are going in our lives in a little more detail than say Facebook.  Another reason I wanted to start a blog was that since I had Emma 3 weeks ago, I struggled with feeling overwhelmed and feeling like I was not ready to be a mother.  I read one of my college roommate's blogs and found the things she wrote about to be extremely helpful to me during this huge change in my life.  Maybe writing about these changes will help me stay positive and keep things in perspective as I adjust to being a mom.  I am already doing better and not feeling as overwhelmed as I did and I am very grateful for that. 

The more I think about it, I think those feelings came because my labor and delivery with Emma were kind of traumatic.  I went into the hospital with contractions 4-5 minutes apart at about 10:30 pm on March 9th.  Aaron was already at work downstairs at the hospital so his parents picked me up and sat with me while we waited to see what the verdict was.  At this point, I'd already been to the hospital 2 other times with contractions that were about 5 minutes apart, but I wasn't as far along as they wanted me to be so I was sent home both times.  Finally at about midnight, a nurse came in and told me my doctor just wanted to send me over to labor and delivery because I was already almost a week overdue.  So I was admitted and moved to L&D!  Yay right?  2 hours later, I had received my IV and an epidural and was hooked up to pitocin to kind of pick things up.  Now the waiting began.  Aaron was in and out of my room through the night because he was technically still working.  He was up there to stay with me as soon as he was off at 7 am though.  We thought things would go quickly and they did until I got up to 9 cm which was around 2 pm on the 10th.  From there it took until about 6:30 pm for me to be ready to start pushing.  It is worth mentioning that I developed a fever which can happen when you are laboring for a long time and they worried about the baby with my temperature being high like that.  It took 3 hours of pushing and the baby's heart rate being consistently in the 180s for all of us to come to the decision that some intervention might need to be made.  The baby was low enough that I wouldn't need to have a C-section but my doctor said he was concerned for both our safety and suggested forceps.  I was extremely afraid of this technique, but my doctor did a great job and we were able to get the baby out quickly.  I had asked for skin to skin as soon as she was born, but as soon as her head was out, the doctors realized the cord was wrapped really tight around her neck.  They still let Aaron cut the cord, but had him do it quickly.  They didn't even lay her on me.  I saw her face for maybe one second before they took her over to the warmer to examine her.  At this point, I had not even heard her cry.  They told me she was not gaining color as quickly as they wanted and wasn't breathing very well and before I knew it, the nurses were wheeling the warmer and my baby out the door to the NICU.  That image along with having to get stitched up and not having slept or eaten in over 20 hours takes a toll.  

She was in the NICU for a full day but recovered very quickly, which was amazing.  She was such a trooper, only crying for a few seconds when they would poke her with needles and what not.  She was and still is such a tough little girl.  When we finally got to bring her home, I think I was overwhelmed because I had to take care of this new little stranger who had had such a traumatic beginning and I was afraid I couldn't do it.  But I've learned over the past three weeks that parents aren't "born" like their babies are, they are made on the job.  I feel much more in the loop now and am loving being a mom more and more.  I should mention I wouldn't have been able to get through any of this without Aaron.  He's such a rock and constantly is trying to help me adjust my attitude and see things in a different light.  He is so busy with work and school and we hardly ever have time to spend time together but he goes out of his way to let me know how much he loves me and loves his daughter.  Families are amazing things and I don't know what I would do without our newly created one, or the one I married into, or my own family.  Like my roommate said in her blog post, giving birth to a child  and raising one isn't easy, but it is just so magical.  :)